January 18, 2011

I really don't want to be here.

I have this overwhelming feeling of discomfort. I have never felt like this during work before and I've been working for 9 years. I've had jobs that I've hated but nothing compares to this.

I actually like my job, believe it or not. It's the people that really get to me. Everyone stabs each other in the back. I cant say a word without being afraid. I dread coming to work because I know that I'm being watched. I don't know. I'm just sad and disappointed. I dedicated months to doing the best job I could. I bent over backwards for these people. I did things I wasn't asked to just to help make everyones life easier. I've filled in so many shifts I can't even count them all yet when Rico's aunt died they didn't even want to let me go to the funeral.

Every little thing I've done has been for nothing. I bust my ass and what do I get in return? Complaints about misspelling - come on! As if I'm the worst speller. I catch other peoples, including my supervisor, mistakes all the time. Every day there is something I need to correct. How can I be worse of an employee than the rest? The only time I've missed work is when I needed to; funerals, so sick I couldn't move, very poor road conditions. I just don't understand.

I've gotten to the point where I'm done trying. I'm like "fuck this". I'm done doing that bitch's paper work for her! I'm going to start doing the bare minimum. What are they going to do? FIRE me? I can find a job way better than this. Something where I'm not just sitting here. Somewhere where they will see all the potential I have. Where they actually treat their employees with the respect they deserve.

I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I really saw a future for myself here but now I don't. At all. Not with these people. Not while constantly being watched under a microscope. Any little mistake they write me up for even if it wasnt my fault.

Anyway... just a little rant. I just hate environments like this. I feel like I need to watch my back every second that goes by. I wonder if there's even such a thing as being rewarded for your hard work. Cause nowadays it seems like the ones who can lie, connive and kiss ass better are the ones who succeed.

Sorry, I like to actually earn my money.
Sorry, I speak up when I don't agree.
Sorry, I wont fuck the boss.