January 3, 2011


Before the New Year, I was going to try becoming closer with my family. The brothers and mother I've never gotten to know. The father who I haven't gotten along with since I was 14. The sister I love with all my heart but can't see that because I don't show it. The aunt who disowned me. The God mother who has also disowned me.

I don't really have a family but it wasn't always this way. When I was young my family was very close. It wasn't until my grandmother passed away when everything went to shit. Before she died we were the "perfect" family. My dad worked and my step-mom took care of us. Life was simple and filled with love. I miss those days.

I will spare you the "pitty party" details and just leave it at; I've learned that it's easier to quit trying. I've been trying.. trying.. trying gotten nowhere. My sister and I are closer but she still says things that hurt. Like how I don't understand her or how I'm her 'step' sister. Worst of all, how she wants to end her life. She's opened up to me a lot in the past year. It hurts that I wasn't there for her. I feel like I have failed as a sister, a daughter, a niece. A failure as a human.

A liar.
 A quitter.
A failure.
A mistake.