January 15, 2011

CW: 116 lbs

I slept all day.

I've been too depressed to keep my eyes open. The fact that I slept all day yesterday probably didn't help. Coming in to the new year, I had high hopes. I had a feeling that 2011 would be a great year. I wanted to start fresh. Reinvent myself. However, it doesn't look too good with the way things have been going. My depression has gotten so bad, I haven't showered in two days. I feel disgusting.

I need to clean, it's way too dirty in here. I should have never let the room get this dirty. Now I'm going to have to dedicate a full day just to clean. Rico mentioned something about my depression today. I tried to tell him that I should see a doctor but he disagrees. I'm thinking I might be bi polar. It's always like this. And the fact that I can't control my emotions makes it worse. When my supervisor made me signs those 3 written warnings I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating. It's embarrassing. I was more angry then sad at that point but I just couldn't express myself.

I weighed myself and am not surprised to see the results. After my post yesterday, I pigged out on chocolate chip cookies. That brought my calorie intake up to at least 2 700 - 3 000. I'm just happy I didn't gain any weight..

It's 9:00 PM and, as of this very moment, I am starting a liquid fast. I'm allowing myself to have any liquid with 0 calories; soda, red bull, etc. I am not allowed to have any food whatsoever. I would love to make it to 30 days but for now, I'm going one day at a time.

On a more positive note: Rico installed sims 3! Heck yes!! I love this game! :)