March 14, 2011

Feeling fat.

I'm in a depressing mood today. Rico goes back to work tonight, I go back tomorrow. I'm scared to show my lovely yellow locks to the world. That guy I was telling you about, well our friendship has gotten weird. I don't think he likes speaking with me anymore... oh well. My sister is acting like a retard. She pretty much said that I'm disgusting and a horrible person for smoking. I'm so fat. I caved and weighed myself, still 110 but I feel so much bigger.

I ate some things I wasn't supposed to today. Four cookies and some pop corn. Yuck, pop corn?! I don't know why but I thought food would comfort me but it just made me sick and now I'm worried that I will gain weight. I feel so lonely. I went on my Facebook and deleted a bunch of people. I'm wondering if I should just delete my account.

When I was fooling around with my webcam earlier I noticed that my hair looks so much better on there. I cannot wait until I can bleach it again. I thought it would be a good idea to record what my body looks like. If you ever want to feel even worse about yourself, I suggest doing this. I look disgusting. Especially my hips!! They're so gross and it always looks like I have love-handles :(  

Most of my clothes are far too big and now that I'm going to try to stop wearing the baggy clothes I need to go through my wardrobe and see what fits. I don't know if I can do it though. I like clothing that hides my figure. I don't want anyone to see the rolls

Here is a picture of my hair after being bleached once. I'm going from medium/dark brown to blonde... looks more yellow/orange in person and really doesn't look good with my skin tone.


tracy said...

Your hair is beautiful...i bet you are too.