March 29, 2011

Well, That Was (Sort Of) Worth It

I have spent the past ten days on a mini 'vacation from reality'. I didn't talk to anyone except for Rico and his parents. I slept many hours, cleaned the house top-to-bottom, organized everything in my home, and spent a lot of time with my animals.

I was pretty active with cleaning but I did spend a lot of time lounging around. I did not make any lists or even exercise. I didn't even take care of myself. It might be gross but I have been in the same pajamas since day one. I did take baths but I didn't wear makeup or do my hair. No nail trimming and painting. I didn't even pluck my eyebrows. My weight was still in the back of my mind but I ate. Not a lot but I did eat supper almost every night, plus a few sweets.

I am scared to weigh myself. I was 108 pounds just ten days ago but I have a very bad feeling that I have gained weight. Just yesterday, I went on a binge. It was really bad. I ate so much! When I looked in the mirror and saw my disgusting stomach (which looked pregnant by the way) I snapped back into reality. What the hell was I doing?!

This isolation from the world was good for me. I got a lot of stuff done around the house that I had been wanting to do for months but due to my work schedule and depression I never found the time to do it. I am also really happy that I have been spending more time with my animals. My dog is getting pretty old and I feel bad for neglecting not only her but my other two animals.

I think my 'break from the world' was caused by other people. I got so sick and tired of trying to please everyone. No matter what I do, no one is ever happy with me or my efforts. I got tired of drama between people I once called "friends" and my family. And so overwhelmed with worrying about what people were thinking.

I have always been this way so I doubt anything has changed but I do feel more content. Anyway! I'm back now and hopefully I will not need another 'vacation' for a long time. I missed my blog terribly. There was so much running through my mind.