Reality check: YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I caught Rico chatting it up with some skank over the internet. I knew he had been going to this one site for many months and had no problem with it. There are a bunch of sluts showing off their bodies. One even shoved twizzlers up her woohoo...

This is personal but I could give two shits right now. I have caught Rico masturbating while / after chatting with these girls online. At first, I giggled about it and thought I'd let him have his fun. He is the type of guy that denies ever having touched himself in a naughty way. The other night I woke up to him jacking off on the bed beside me, on cam, with some chick!! I felt nauseous and I don't even think he knows I saw. He leaped off the bed, lifted up the laptop, let out a little chuckle as he typed something then put the laptop away. He acted completely normal.

I didn't speak. I didn't want to overreact and have a huge fight. I stayed calm and started cleaning the room. He asked me what was wrong, I said nothing. About an hour later I came into the room and asked him what had happened. Who was he speaking with that turned him on so much he had to please himself? He blew it off saying he didn't do anything. What was I talking about? Apparently he was just bored so he went on this site, got a little turned on and was going to wake me up for sex right before I woke up. I know he's lying.

It's been two days since that incident. Today I went through the history and, luckily for me, that site keeps track of the history as well. I went through and saw this one slut he's been talking to for eight months. He doesn't seem to talk too dirty but what offends me the most is all the sweet things he says. I am so insulted right now. I want to take the webcams and smash them. That is so gross.

Talking one-on-one with a chick, revealing his body to her as she reveals her body to him, and saying sweet things that he would NEVER say to me really fucking hurts! What do I need to do to make him love me?! I want him to look at me and see perfection. A "cutie pie" (as he called her), with a gorgeous smile and amazing butt.

Rico, I am sorry you think so low of me. You spend hours upon hours talking with some girl that you don't even know when you have someone laying right next to you. Someone you never want to touch or even spend time with. I am sorry that you think the worst of me. I really don't know what to do to change the way you feel about me and I'm starting to think I will never be able to be that one woman that takes your breath away. Thank you for being just like every guy. 

Why would you tell her you love her? Fuck you. Love. You have no fucking idea what that word means. You throw it around like a twelve year old on crack. 

I feel amazing and so loved. My boyfriend would rather spend time with other women than with me. I can't believe I am that horrible in bed and that all the cruel things you've said to me over the years are actually true. You really do think the worst of me. Fat. Ugly. Slob. Immature. Quitter. Annoying. Bitch. Failure. Pathetic piece of shit. I don't know why you're with me. This makes me question your loyalty. I always took pride in knowing that my boyfriend was a loyal, honest man. He was my best friend. 

I wonder what you've done all these years. You were alone for many nights. I swear to GOD Rico, you NEVER want me to catch you with your pants down! >:(

So now I'm in a shitty mood. I refuse to let another man make me cry. This is bullshit but I can't help but wonder if karma has something to do with it. Maybe I deserve this. I don't know if I should send him an email tonight because I wont see him for four days. I deleted that bitch off his friends list. I'm sure he'll notice and change his password. I want to go onto his msn and delete her from there too. My heart is pounding so hard I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

I'm still sick. Not as bad as before but still pretty sick. I got another written warning at work. I'm still 113 pounds of lard. I never want to eat again. I want to starve, suffer in pain, until I collapse and die.